BabyCenter, You Read My Mind

How dare you look at me!

So, in case you didn’t know I just moved my family across the state.  Kaylee, my 19 month old, has not taken this well.  Basically her terrible two’s began as soon as I started packing.  My little angel now seems like a demon and I keep expected her head to start rotating. 

Yesterday was move day and she has been so much worse since we got here.  We’re staying with family and she loves seeing them, but is not happy with mommy.  So, I got a huge chuckle when I opened my BabyCenter email and it said Dealing with Tantrums, Aggression and how to stop hitting.

BabyCenter, how did you read my mind?  Somehow you knew that I needed this advice right now and I’m on the verge of ripping my hair out.  I have to say thank you because I’ve been too busy to really do any reading and was just going off of what I already knew from past.  I tried to read a little to prepare for this, but about all I learned was don’t use no and if they throw tantrums just walk away.

Well BabyCenter says:

·         Don’t lose your cool

·         Remember you’re the adult

·         Talk about it afterwards

·         Try to keep tantrums from happening

·         Keep them in low stress

So, that will help with temper tantrums.  I’m happy to get some of this advice.  I try really hard to keep my cool, and I’m good about letting her cry it out.  I haven’t been talking to her about it though.  I think a huge mistake I make with Kaylee is that I still treat her like she’s a baby.  I forget to talk to her about stuff like she’s a kid or grown up.  This is strange, because I don’t have that problem with other people’s children.  So, starting now I’ll talk to Kaylee more about.

I was already planning on working with her on her feelings.  I think some of her meltdowns are related to not understanding her feelings.  So, I’m thinking about starting to play games with her that will teach her to understand how she’s feeling.

Wish me luck with this new step in our life!

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Making Mommy Friends

Asheville Mommies at Halloween

I’ve moved around a lot.  Because of that I’ve struggled for years to make good friends.  I left Florida with only one friend that I’m still in constant contact with.  Even most of my friends from Pennsylvania have drifted away over the years.  Once I moved to North Carolina I found it even harder to make friends.  I don’t have much in common with the people in Asheville and have only managed to make a few good friends in the four years I’ve lived here. 

Then I had my daughter.  Being a mom compounds it in so many ways.  I want my daughter to be socialized and to have friends.  I struggled for the first 6 months.  I had very serious Post-Partum Depression but didn’t exactly realize it.  I really needed help and to get out of the house, but didn’t really know how to do either.  This was all made worse by the fact that I have no family here and mine had become extremely absent after I had my baby.  Maybe I just felt that way because I was depressed, but it was how I felt. 

Now I had a little girl to worry about.  I joined a local mommy group in an attempt to meet some people.  It was so hard to fit in with these women; I felt I had nothing in common with them.  It was weeks before I finally met my best friend who I have a lot in common with.  But even then, we felt like outsiders in this group and were not able to make any real friends other than each other. 

If you’re trying to make mommy friends I encourage you to do a Google search in your area and find a good one.  There are other resources as well.  Be sure to check out Meet-up to see if there are any groups in your area.  If you are looking for a community to talk to other moms in and ask questions then you should check out Mamapedia.  And if there is nothing good in your area, make your own group on Meet-up!  Other moms always need a place to go too.

Now I’m moving...  Again.  I have to do this all over.  I’m not a very social person and it’s hard for me to take those first steps to meet new people.  But I need to do it, because my daughter needs others kids to play with. 

So, I move forward to this new chapter of our life.  It’s going to be hard, but maybe I’ll meet a group of moms who are more accepting of who I am and therefore can make more than just one friend in this new area.  This is not a knock against my best friend at all, I am so happy that I met Mandy, but I would like a small group of friends in the new area so that Kaylee can have more than just one friend herself. 

Wish us luck as we pursue this new adventure into the great unknown.   

Selfishness

Kaylee & I

So a few years ago a “friend” of mine told me I could never be a parent.  Well, specifically she told me that my husband and I would make bad parents.  We were too selfish, and could never give up and do what you have to do to be parents.

Well, I was on the phone with my best friend Tori the other day and like all mommies we were talking about our kids; our experiences and offering each other advice, more her offering me advice because her little is two years older than mine.  As we were talking and sharing I realized how much I have given up being a mom.  Don’t get me wrong!  I love being a mommy, and I love my daughter so much.  I never knew I could love someone so much. 

I’m just saying that I am not the same person I was 2 years ago.  When I get extra money the first thing I do is think about what Kaylee needs.  I almost never buy anything for me; instead Kaylee gets clothes or a new toy.   

No, my child isn’t spoiled.  My friend’s kids have twice as much, if not more, toys than Kaylee has. 

I put her needs first all the time and now I feel like I truly understand what it means to be a parent.  I was mad at that so called friend that told me that so many years ago, but now I understand.  I was selfish.  I used to spend close to $1,000 on Christmas presents just for my close friends and husband.  I bought every new piece of technology that came and every game I could think of wanting.  I always had new clothes, shoes and purses.  I thought I was okay because I usually shopped discount.  But spending money selfishly is still spending it.

I’m happy I have Kaylee to humble me.  To make me think about my life and rethink the choices I make.   

Front Seat Tickets to The Rapture

Those of you who know me are aware of how I feel about religion.  I really hate people who blame their parents for everything but I can definitely lay this at my mom’s feet.  She forced me to switch churches and then become Jewish in a manner that others would only change their clothes.  She forced each religion down my throat and I hated it.  And then when she died they all told me she was in hell.  Well, I have a few choice words about that, but I’ll leave those for my personal thoughts.

So, I’m pretty bitter when it comes to Organized Religion.  But, thanks to mom I have a very well rounded understanding of different religions.  I do have my own personal beliefs that I will keep to myself, other than the fact that I hate Organized Religion (not religion itself) and I don’t believe in the rapture.

Okay, really?  The rapture isn’t even in the bible!  So, if you believe in the bible where did you get this rapture thing?

Supposedly the rapture is happening tomorrow.  It’s not the first time it’s been scheduled.  Everyone keeps changing the date and always have a new reason; we got the calendar wrong, we misunderstood a sign, Pluto doesn’t count or my dog ate my homework.

Here’s what I hate about this, every time it happens a bunch of people go crazy.  They loot, they kill themselves, they kill others, and they max out their credit cards.  I wouldn’t mind this whole rapture business, after all they have a right to believe what they want, but its affecting others.  To read more about some of the crazy stuff people do go here.

This is going to sound crazy but I have actually thought about an attack strategy in the case of a zombie apocalypse.  Like where I’d go, what I’d take and how I’d make it with Kaylee (notice how no one in these survival things ever has a kid).  Apparently I’m not the only one.  Go here to find out about how the CDC wants you to be prepared for everything.  Even Zombie’s.

Well, I guess I’ve said my peace.  If the rapture does happen tomorrow then I wish all of my uber-religious friends well because I’m a horrible sinner and will be staying here.  Maybe it’ll be quieter.

The Fear of Polygamy

Scary Polygamist, Run!!!!

I started watching the show Sister Wives when it first came out.  I’m not usually into these kinds of reality TV shows, like John & Kate plus 8 and so on.  I actually decided to tune in because I have a fascination with other cultures, which includes other lifestyles. 

I never thought much about things like polygamy before.  I know couples who are in open relationships, but I never thought about marrying more than one person.  I guess that no matter how open minded I think I am I was still raised in a very Middle American family.

Once I began watching this show it didn’t me long to understand why they choose this lifestyle.  I’m not saying I wasn’t to run out and become a polygamist, but it certainly makes sense.  I can see the benefits of it, and I bet that people rarely cheat in their lifestyle!

So, I was surprised to find out that that they were under investigation by the government for polygamy.  Cody Brown (the husband) isn’t legally married to any but his first wife.  So, what is there to investigate?  That is the only thing they could probably do wrong that government has anything to do with.  These poor people are being harassed by local government officials and live in fear that they may lose who the love most.

I just don’t feel like the government has any right to regulate marriage.  Marriage is about love and making a life together.  I understand that there needs to be laws to keep people from marrying multiple others without their knowledge.  But people who want to be polygamist should be allowed to. 

Also, this is a religious choice by their sect of Mormon.  Granted not all Mormon’s believe in it, but these do.  Doesn’t that mean their right to be Polygamists falls under the first amendment?  They have freedom of religion.

I guess polygamy will become legal at about the same time as same sex marriage.  Seriously Uncle Sam, please stop sticking your nose into places it doesn’t belong.

Geekiness - An Inheritred Trait?

I really do often wonder about this.  My brother is a geek.  I would never say he’s as geeky as I am.  He loves to read, and a lot of its science fiction and urban fantasy.  He likes video games, but mostly the killing people kind.  He loves Star Wars and Star Trek, although I think he stopped watching at TNG.  I’m definitely over the top a little with my love almost all sci-fi tv shows and movies.  I read almost all high fantasy, with a stirring in of science fiction and urban fantasy.  I love video games and board games and might even be a little addicted, at times a lot addicted depending on what I’m playing.  I play mostly role playing games and occasionally puzzle.

The funny thing is that he and I were raised mostly apart.  He’s 8 years older than me so he didn’t have a huge influence on my childhood, other than us hating each other.  The almost a full generation gap showed largely when we were children, although now I would say we’re very close.  What’s the funniest is that we actually discovered in our adulthood that we love a lot of the same authors, movies and television shows!

So, here comes strangest of all.  Neither of our parents were what you would call geeks.  Our parent’s definitely inspired a lifetime love of reading in both of us.  Mom loved to read, but mostly self help, self improvement and biographies.  Dad also loved to read but only westerns.  Dad also only really watched westerns.  Mom didn’t watch tv or movies at all.  I do seem to remember dad watching Star Trek TOS though.

So, where did my brother and I get it?  We grew up almost a generation apart yet we both definitely have geek tendencies.  Strange isn’t it?

I ask these questions because I wonder about my daughter.  She’s going to be raised with two parents who read, play video games and watch geeky movies.  Will she be a geek?  Is it an environmental thing or is it an inherited trait?

I’ll love her no matter what, but a little part me hopes for some geekiness in her.  If she’s an athlete or pretty girl who wants to wear makeup and twirl her hair I’ll have a little trouble understanding her.

Nice Things & Kids

My husband and I are big tech junkies.  Basically we love our big TV’s, laptops, and video game systems.  We actually itch to buy all new techie things, even if we don’t need it.  When it comes to these tech items, and most other things in my home, I’m meticulous about their care.  I feel the need to keep things in like new condition.  Always clean no scratches. 

Now I have a child.  I feel my heart break a little as my toddler runs wild through my house.  She likes to pound on my laptop with her slimy toddler hands, she’s scratched up my new printer.  Oh and I definitely saw her eyeing the television for more than watching.  She’s like this adorable little electronics monster.

I think it’s funny because everyone always told me you can’t have nice things when you have kids, so I shouldn’t be surprised.  But I thought I could teach my child the importance of taking care of your things.  Now that I have a child, I realize that this is impossible with a toddler.  She’s just learning the concept of don’t touch that and be gentle.  I think that don’t scratch that because its expensive might be a little over her head.

Of course we’re still trying.  I’m teaching her to not jump on the furniture, not beat the laptop and my printer is not her drum set.  Of course she still does these things as soon as she thinks I’m not looking, or especially when she wants attention because I’m working.  But we’re trying and she’ll understand some day.

So, I guess now I understand the not having nice things.  It will be a long time until I’m able to keep things in the condition that I believe that I feel they should be. 

Of course, I am a little OCD about this stuff, so I’ll try not to cringe next time she smears snot on the Xbox.