Partying with Children

After a Halloween event today my husband and I stopped by a party a work friend of his was hosting.  He had mentioned that he would bringing me and our daughter so they could meet us and the guy made it seem that was okay.

Well, I’m sure it was, but when we showed up there were no other kids and most of the adults seemed frightened by the tiny child in their midst.  It brought back memories, I remember being that person.  You know who I’m talking about…  The person who doesn’t really understand children and doesn’t exactly like being around them.  The person that when someone shows up at the party with a kid your just kind of like, really?  Why the hell did they bring a kid?  I felt very uncomfortable and of course because the house isn’t even remotely child proofed I spent the whole time on egg shells waiting for Kaylee to break something.

The good news is that Kaylee wasn’t unnerved by the large deer heads on the wall and it didn’t take her long to warm up.  I would like to say she charmed them, and she probably did to some extent.  But I remember being those people, the ones without children.  They say they want one (most people do) but when confronted with the prospect of socializing with one you’re totally at a loss.

Also, it was strange being the only mom at the party.  These people don’t understand how distracting it is to have one eye on your child at all times, so they probably thought I’m severely flaky or else extremely shy.  I had nothing to talk about, because it’s hard to let loose and unwind with a child at your knee.  And I definitely wasn’t going to have a beer.  I can’t imagine being half inebriated while attempting to chase my kid down.  It’s funny to think about, but in practice it certainly wouldn’t be.

But one very funny thing happened tonight.  Some county deputies stopped by to get some of the yummy food.  The one guy was walking through the room; Kaylee walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his leg.  They both stood there frozen in time and finally Kaylee stepped back and seemed scared, while the office may very well have been as scared as her.  Of course the explanation for this is that daddy also wears dark pants and black shoes all the time.  I would give almost anything to have seen that officers face.

Family

Tom's mom & grandma

 So, I had this whole blog typed up about family and realized it was kind of mean.  I think it may be my mood. 

Instead I’m just going to post a quick blurb about my new family.

Tom's dad & other grandma

I really want to say that Tom’s family is amazing.  I got so lucky when I married him, by marrying into an excellent family that truly loves and cares for each other.  They demonstrate it in a million ways.  Tom’s dad calls him at least once a week, just to say hi.  His mom sends care packages every month and emails all the time.  He has grandparents that want to see us all of the time and love Kaylee.  They think I'm pretty cool too.

I think it’s funny that some people would say that parents like this are interfering, but take it from someone without parents; it’s really nice to be loved.

I'm a Geek, A parody

I'm a Geek, song to I'm a Bitch by Meredith Brooks

I love this world today

You’re all so good to us

But it wasn’t always this way

Some tried hard to fit right in

While others stood off and defended

Our geeky tendencies

Yesterday we cried

You finally seem to be seeing our side

Now you don’t seem so confused

Maybe we envied you

But now that isn’t needed

Because you see our view

Chorus

I’m a geek, I like Star Wars

I’m a nerd, I hate normal

I’m a dork, I’m a Trekky

Sometimes I feel awkward

I’m your brains; I’m your think tank

I’m nothing less than that

You know you couldn’t stand it any other way

Now you take us as we are

You know you’ll have to be the stronger man

But rest assured that when it comes to solving problems

physics and chemistry

We’ll handle those parts

And your brain can take a break

Chorus

I didn't do the whole song, but I was having some fun wit this the other day in the shower, so I thought I'd share.  It's not fine tuned so don't rip it apart please :-)

My Busy Weekend

My normal day pretty much amounts to doing some paid writing, proofreading, playing with my daughter, making dinner and writing for you all.  So, when I have a busy weekend it is certainly something to talk about!

This is the coolest thing we got her

On Friday my husband and I went to Target and used the gift card my Mother-in-Law got for Kaylee’s 2 year birthday.  Apparently $100 goes really far when you pay attention to the prices!  Then I spent all day wrapping that pile of presents and figuring out how to give them to her without spoiling her to death.  In the evening my Father-in-Law and his wife surprised us by coming over for dinner and hanging out.  My husband made the best pork chops ever.

Saturday I reserved for cleaning.  I spent 4 hours sweeping and mopping my floors.  I organized my daughter’s toys and deep cleaned the bathroom and kitchen.  I wore myself out so bad I fell asleep on the couch while my daughter was still awake!  But I love the feeling of a clean house.  It makes me feel good to look at it and know I did that.

Emily & Mandy

Sunday was the best of all.  We got up early and headed to Asheville for the day.  We first went to Tom’s old work where he made small talk for awhile and dinner plans.  Then to brunch at the best brunch place ever, Province 620.  It was quite possibly the best brunch I have ever had.  Next came a visit to our friend Kelly’s house, followed by Emily’s birthday party in Little Avery’s Corner.  After the wonderful party we headed to my best friend Mandy’s house (Emily’s mom).  I ate a wonderful dinner made by her husband and played some munchkin with them after some hangout time with the group.  Tom headed out to dinner with his friends.

A grand time was had by all.

Maybe too grand of a time

Normally I don’t post about my day…  But today I’ve been a busy little beaver and figured I’d explain all my happy days.

Small Town Livin'

I’ve lived in suburbs of larger cities my whole life.  But because they were in large metropolitan areas the suburbs were a great deal like living in the city.  Elizabethtown and Middletown, PA are next to Harrisburg and Lancaster.  Titusville is right near Orlando, FL. 

And then I moved to the south.  It seems like there are very few major metropolitan areas here.  And they’re all considered bad places to live.  Everything else is very spread out and…  Well, sprawling is the word.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining!  If I was still in Asheville I would be.  But I’m not anymore.

Where I’m from its rush, rush, rush.  Hurry so that life doesn’t pass you by.  That’s the principle.  Worry, worry, worry…  Worry about money, the future and when you’re going to die.

Now I live in Newton, North Carolina.  It seems as if I’ve been transported into a foreign country.  People are polite and everyone isn’t in a hurry.  They’re happy with their lot in life and not obsessed with succeeding and making money.  This way of life is growing on me.  I can’t imagine not being stressed about money on a daily basis and always wondering what tomorrow holds. 

My mail carrier actually brought a package to my door, with my mail.  She smiled and told me to have a great day.  I can’t remember the last time a postal worker did that for me.  The mail guy at the post office is sweet as can be, making suggestions to new residents and handing out helpful websites.  Is this the real America? 

I was raised to be nice like this.  The golden rule was essential in my household, Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You.  Its why, no matter how broke we were, my mom was always donating her time to help others.  But it always seemed as if no one knew about this rule, except my mom.  Postal workers leaving packages out in the rain, to get mauled on by your dogs; Waitresses barely stopping by your table, yet expecting a good tip; Sour fast food workers, this is what I have come to expect.

I’ve been wondering where Service With A Smile went to.  I’ve found it in small town America, Newton, NC.   

Is Netflix Finally on the Right Track?

Have you heard the news?  As of this morning Netflix has announced that they will not be splitting their services and creating a new company for DVD mailing only called Qwikster.  

When I heard the news I was excited.  Maybe the CEO’s at Netflix had listened to the one million customers who fled when they made these outrageous changes.  I hoped that they had listened to the complaints regarding the price hike in service, a rate increase of 40%.  Or the complaint that they had just raised the rates by $2.00 last year, which is a rate increase of 20%.

As I read the news article I couldn’t believe it.  Nothing.  That is what is really changing.  They are saying a bunch of fancy things, canceling Qwikster and that’s it.  The price structures are staying the same.  There is no formal apology offered.  Although they do offer an explanation finally for the rate increases, which to me sounds like someone whining like a child who has had their favorite toy taken away. 

The CEO is stating that it costs almost a dollar to mail the heavy DVD’s back and forth.  But how much does it cost them to stream?  They are neglecting to mention that.  Also, the thousands who keep a movie forever, therefore saving Netflix tons of money.  Or the outrageous prices that they charge if you break a disc.  Have you looked at their earning statements previous to the changes they made?  They were making good money and increasing all the time, which is saying a great deal considering the current crisis with our market.

So why would you change anything at all?  Why fix what isn’t broken?  I personally have seen no real explanation as of yet, and until I do I will continue to boycott Netflix, choosing instead to use Hulu and free online services for my television and Redbox for my movies.  I will also make up my own mind as to why they made the moves they did.  They were greedy. 

Netflix, I challenge you to prove that you can do right by your customers.  I’m not your CFO or your CEO.  I don’t sit on your board.  But do you know what who I am?  I am one of the people that helped to pay your salaries ever since you opened your doors.  Here are my suggestions, as a past customer

1.  Lower the prices back to what they were or

2.  Lower the prices half way back to what they were and offer three months free to returning customers.

Number two would possibly get back part of the million customers that you lost.  I look forward to the future developments here and I sincerely hope that you will do the right thing.

You can go here to read a news article regarding he change to Netflix.

Zoloft Withdrawal Part 2

And so the saga continues.  If you didn’t read the first part of my saga then you might want to check it out.

3 days after taking my last 25mg tablet of Zoloft I hit rock bottom.  I was running a fever off and on, severely constipated, nauseas, emotional and barely able to string two words together.  I was seriously freaking out.  I believe I have now sat on the edge of sanity and stared over the edge.  It was the scariest thing I’ve been through. 

Thank god my husband was off of work, so between clenched teeth, struggling for every word I begged him tearfully to please take me to the doctor.  He quickly called his dad to come over and watch our 2 year old and off we went.  I was barely able to walk and so cold that even layered down I was wearing a blanket in the 70 degree fall night.

It was evening so we had to go to the Catawba Valley Emergency Room; they have an Express Care there that works a lot like Urgent Care, but send you a bill.  Luckily we weren’t waiting long.  My symptoms had died back some, as they had a tendency to come and go in waves.  I was half asleep from the horrible ordeal of constantly shaking, clammy from my sweating and fever and generally disoriented. 

Within an hour we were sitting in a room in Express Care and had seen a Nurse.  Not too long after a doctor came into the room.  He asked me what the problem was.  I did my best to articulate the problem to him, my accidental cold turkey release from my medication, not being able to taper off and my horrible withdrawal symptoms.  I told him I was on it for PPD, a diagnosis from almost 2 years ago.

This man looked me right in the eye and said that he didn’t think I was suffering from withdrawal.  When they taper someone off of Zoloft the bring them down to 50mg and then just drop them off (errr, wrong, yes I have looked it up) and that I was suffering from depression, not withdrawal.  If this is depression then I am actually insane dude and you need to commit me.  Well, that is what I wanted to tell him, but all I could do was sit there and stare at him open mouthed. 

He said I’m suffering from depression.  Not PPD, which stands for Post Partum Depression.  For those of you who don’t know, PPD is something that a woman sometimes gets after she has a baby.  20% of women are diagnosed with it, but a believed 30% goes undiagnosed.  PPD is not the same thing as depression.  I’m not going to get into the debate here, but it’s kind of like saying that bi-polar disorder and depression is the same thing.  So, he wanted to diagnose with something that I wasn’t even on the medication for in the first place after meeting with me for about 5 minutes.

I finally recovered enough to explain to him that medicine does affect me a little stronger than other people.  I was trying to be nice, the last thing I wanted to do was tell this doctor that I know more about something than he does.  After all, he’s the doctor, but he is wrong!

He completely ignores what I’ve just said and replies that they don’t even make a 25mg dose (errr, wrong, I was taking the 25mg for almost a year).  He doesn’t feel there is anything he can do for me; he thinks I need to see a physician to get proper help.  He offers to give me 10 pills of 50mg if I want, but he doesn’t think that’s going to help anything.

I tell him fine.  At this point I just want away from this horrible man that I’m feeling doesn’t even deserve to be a doctor.  He says he’ll be right back and leaves.  I stare at my husband and find myself begging him again.  This time I’m trying to convince him that I’m not insane and that he has to believe me.  This doctor is wrong about everything.  My heart is tearing apart, worried that now my husband thinks I’m having a psychotic break.

45 minutes later (right back my a**) a nurse comes in with my script and paperwork.  Here I thought since it took so long I was going to get a bottle handed to me.  But no, now I have to suffer the rest of the night.  The state that I was in at this point I could have launched myself at that doctor.

So, we set out for home.  I looked at my paperwork on the way to car and almost started to cry again.  Diagnoses depression.  Instead of streaming every swear word in creation here I’ll just let you be inventive.  String at least 5 together.  That’s how I feel.  I know, I know, I had PPD on my record and depression from a really long time ago.  But now depression is on there again.  And it’s not even true.  I wanted to kick, scream, run in and delete my entry in their computers.  The last thing a person, especially a woman who has recovered from PPD, wants to be falsely diagnosed as depressed.

After a harrowing night of 12 hours of exhausted sleep, I filled my prescription.  I’ve taken my 10 pills and cut them.  I plan to take 25mg for 5 days, and then continue to cut the pills down until I’ve successfully tapered off of them correctly this time.  Most sites I’ve reviewed say that you should try to get down to 6 or 3mg.  When I have done so successfully I plan to post on here again regarding my withdrawal, it will be called part 3.  It’s going to take about 2 months, so keep checking back to see how I do.  I’ll be sure to list some tips.  Please send me tips if you have any and wish me luck.

What else do I plan to do?  I plan to write to the hospital after I have successfully tapered off.  I will file a formal complaint again that doctor, once I’ve proven him wrong.  I will also request for them to delete my record of depression.  I know it may be petty, but it matters to me.  Of course the most important part is making sure they know how I was treated.

As a side note I want to say that I am an understanding person.  I know it can’t be easy to be an ER doctor.  Maybe he had been working too many hours.  Maybe he sees too many drug seeking patients.  I don’t know.  But if he is that over worked or jaded, then he needs to be moved out of the ER and they need to hire more people.  I know there are doctors seeking work in this area, they should not be understaffed.

I’m happy to report that day 2 of being back on the meds, I’m back to being me and I was able to clean my whole house (which sorely needed it).  I’m looking forward to tapering off correctly, but am honestly scared of ever getting as bad as I was.  I now wonder what my mom’s day to day life was like.  If she lived everyday that way, then maybe I can forgive her for ending it.  At least a little.

Zoloft Withdrawal

I’ve been on Zoloft (Sertraline) ever since I was diagnosed with PPD a year and a half ago.  It was definitely a big help with my problems and I’m happy that I had it at the time.  But I did wonder if there wasn’t a natural way to get help.  After all anti-depressants are only band-aid for your problems.  I guess the thinking was that I would only need to be on it until my PPD went away. 

How do you know exactly when you are well enough to go off of your medication?  I don’t know the answer to this, and since I don’t have health insurance there is no way to find that answer without an expensive doctors visit.

As I mentioned I don’t have health insurance anymore and my prescription was coming close to the time it needed refilled.  I actually had 3 refills of 25mg left.  I was debating paying $80 to see a doctor, keeping my fingers crossed the whole time that this bottom dollar quack would refill my prescription without expensive tests.  Or I could just wean myself off.  I was leaning towards tapering off of the meds.  I felt like after this long I might not need it anymore.  

I was making the decision and I went to complete one of my last refills.  I discovered something horrible.  My refills had somehow expired.  I had 5 pills left.  This meant no tapering and we can’t afford a doctor right now.

So, here I am.  I’m on day 2 of my withdrawal and this is not fun.  I wish that I had been aware of hard it is to go off Zoloft.  Nobody warned me.  I think that when a doctor prescribes this medication patients should be warned about this. I'm all for modern medicine and agree that it of course has benefits.

I’m here to warn you.  Here is a rundown of my withdrawal symptoms; excessive tiredness, hot and cold flashes, inability to concentrate, loss of appetite and a feeling like being zapped.  Well, safe to say I have learned my lesson.  No more anti-depressants, even if I have PPD again.  I’ll take some natural ways of healing, like a counselor and maybe St. John’s Wart.

Firstly I’m here to tell you that if you have been prescribed an anti-depressant, think twice before starting to take it.  Look for alternatives. 

Secondly, I’m here to say that I may not be writing for a few days.  I guess you could call them sick days or mental health days, but it’s really hard to even get all this down.

The one really good thing out of all this is that even through the fog of withdrawal I can tell I feel better mentally.  I didn’t need the drugs anymore!