Life is a Highway

That's about right

I've never been very good at making decisions. I often go back and forth, I'm known for asking every single persons opinion that I can find, I make lists and debate it in my head constantly.

Do any of these things help? No I've found that decisions are terribly hard for me. Not the small ones. The big ones. Moving on. Breaking up. Which job to take. The older I get the harder it is. I get paralyzed by fear. This is the wrong decision. Which one will I regret the least?

In case you didn't know I'm also a worry wart.

Even parenting decisions are difficult. Should I spank? Is Love & Logic really right? I feel like all these decisions are what is helping to create this little person who will someday go out into that wide world and be expected to be a productive member of society.

Well, that's actually true isn't it?

But since becoming a parent I would become frozen by indecision and discover what is worse than having to make a decision that I fear will be a failure... having the choice ripped away from me by circumstance or someone else. It was probably the best therapy because I came to realize that I may hate making those big decisions... but I hate even more not being given a choice. Not having a voice.

Can you imagine me without a voice? It's a scary notion.

I'm writing this today because I feel like all I've done is make huge decisions over the past 6 months. I'm pretty proud of myself for each and every one of them. Some of them weren't the correct decisions, but I made them, dealt with the consequences, cleaned up the mess and moved on. But I still feel like decisions are being taken out of my hands occasionally and I want to scream it's not fair and rail at God about how rude he happens to be.

But we know life isn't about being fair and if there is a God then he's got to be rude occasionally.

Instead I'll just do what being a parent has taught me to do. Clean up the messes from the decisions... Even if I'm not the one who made them.