This is the Story of a Girl - Part 2

My mom & me

I started this a few weeks ago.  You can read the beginning here.  There I wrote about my father, today I thought I’d go ahead and write about my mom. 

I don’t have a great deal of memories of my mom and there is of course a reason for this.  She was always working.  Because of my dad being sick she always had one job or another and I was either always with dad or alone.  At some points she worked 3 jobs just to keep the family afloat.  I don’t remember her cooking much, in fact macaroni and cheese and anything out of a can was normal in our house.  Our fridge usually had beer in it but didn’t necessarily have food and never milk.

Around the time that my dad got sick for the last time my mom started to have a mental collapse.  It might have happened before that, but because of my age I really can’t be sure.  I was maybe 9 when I noticed things changing with her.  She spent a lot of time in Philhaven, a mental hospital.  When she was there I would go to live with Aunts.  During this time I lived with my Aunt Dottie and Aunt Joanie occasionally.

Shortly after my dad died, I was 11, my mom was diagnosed with an AVM and had to go to Pittsburg for a special surgery called Gamma Knife.  AVM’s can cause a bleed in the brain as well as many other complications.

Mom and me

It seems like after my dad died she went downhill.  I’m not sure if it’s because she was so used to caring for him that she didn’t know what to do with herself, or maybe she was just that mentally unstable.  She attempted suicide many times, how many I’m not actually certain.  She was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder, which is now called Dissociative Personality Disorder.  Basically the person thinks they are many people due to traumatic events from their past.  My mom believed that she had been physically abused as a child, which is actually up in the air because my Aunt’s, her sisters, disagree with this.

I think that my mom also had a problem with lying, but I doubt she was diagnosed with that.

When I was 12 she sent me to stay at one of my friend’s house for the weekend.  I guess there was a misunderstanding between us because I came home after only one night, to find her acting really strange.  I can still remember her childlike behavior.  I was so frightened.  I did the only thing I knew to do, I called my Aunt Mary.  It turned out my mom had tried to kill herself again while in a childhood personality.

My Aunt’s decided at that point that it wasn’t safe for me anymore.  They asked my mom to agree to allow me to live for a year with one of my Aunt’s while she was finally fully treated.  I was to spend my 8^th grade year living with Aunt Donna and Uncle Max in Elizabethtown, PA while she got help.

I saw her off and on during this time.  It was also during this time that something disturbing came out.  The man who had raised me was not my father according to one of my Aunt’s.  My mother never confirmed or denied this and I’ve attempted to contact this man, who never answered me, so I may never know the truth about my parentage.

Mom & Me

During this time my mom went further over the deep end.  She wrote endlessly in journals, her different personalities writing for her.  In a few she actually recorded her conversations with God.  God had given her a job in his holy war against Satanists.  At one point she even refers to how Elizabethtown, where I was living, wasn’t safe for me because it was full of Satanists.  It was her job to find and dispose of Satanists in Harrisburg.

I’m not making this up guys.

After a year of living with Aunt Donna and Uncle Max I didn’t want to go back to my mom.  It sounds horrible, but keep in mind that I was only 13 and I was tired of my stressful life.  I wanted to be settled.  I liked my new school and Aunt Donna and Uncle Max gave me so much that I never had before.  Plus, living with them I had “sisters” and a “brother” living with me that were close to my age.  It was everything I never knew I wanted. 

A few weeks before my 14^th birthday I told my mom that I didn’t want to live with her anymore, I wanted to stay in my new home.

I don’t think I handled it well, but again I was only a kid.

Just before my birthday she was found dead in her trailer in Middletown, PA.  There was a long investigation into a possible murder.  It appeared to be suicide, but apparently there were someone else’s fingerprints all over the house and my mom.  The police dutifully did their job and searched for a possible suspect, but in the end the case was closed as a suicide.  A lot of people, me included, think it was an assisted suicide and that’s why there were fingerprints everywhere.

So, I got my wish and I got to stay with Aunt Donna and Uncle Max.

Mom & Me

You can learn a great deal from ordeals during your childhood.  I know that I did.  I’m a stronger person because of what I dealt with, but I also have a stronger appreciation of family because of what I’ve gone through.  I would forgive my family almost any insult, because you never know how long they’ll be around to be forgiven.  I hope that wherever my mom is she’s forgiven me for what I did.  I was a callous child and had no idea what my decision or how I handled it would affect a mentally unstable person.  All I cared about was my comfort and happiness.  If you have a young person in your life that seems very grown up for their age, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they should handle tough things by themselves.